In my last blog, I broke down lust, defining it and explaining where it comes from. I want to state from the beginning here, that there is no easy way out of lust. One cannot simply cast out the demon of lust and never desire again. Don't be fooled! You will desire again, you will lust again - it is part of being a human being. You cannot cut it out from yourself and you cannot exercise it out. But you can control it.
Jesus gave us two steps in overcoming lust:
1. Awareness - by comparing lust to adultery, Jesus was exposing the sin of desire for what it is. In any AA meeting, one of the first steps is admitting one has a problem. It is key to finding victory.
2. Remove the oportunities for temptaion - through overstatement (cut out your eye, cut off your hand) Jesus was in fact saying, "Get rid of those things (even the good things) that lead you into temptation."
If porn is an issue with you, get rid of the websites by going to covenanteyes.com - follow directions there. You can cut off the T.V. channels that draw you into pornography. Get yourself an accountability partner - someone who can help you by holding you accountable. Get into a church group. Do whatever is necessary for you to get out of your issue.
If you are sexually attracted to children, admit it and stay away from them. Don't deceive yourself that you are doing your church or school a service by helping out in the children's ministry. Even if the pastor asks you to help out in the children's ministry, say, "no!" Remove the opportunities for temptation. If you are already in some sort of ministry with kids, find any excuse to get out. People of all kinds overestimate their will power in the area of desire and sex.
A pastor friend of mine was tempted to have an affair with another pastor (woman) at the same church. They were both attracted to each other, so they both agreed to quit their work at that church in order to avoid further temptation.
If you find a member of the opposite sex attractive, do not let yourself be set up in any way. She may need counselling or discipleship - let her go somewhere else. He may want to open up to you about his terrible marriage - let him share with someone else. Don't fall into the trap that you are the one person who can help him. One woman who worked a lot with teenagers told me that she told her leaders never to pray alone with members of the opposite sex (especially on dates), because the intimacy of prayer can easily lead into premarital sex.
If you find someone of the same sex attractive, follow the same rules. Don't let yourself get set up. Be smart. Be at least one step ahead of the game. Don't get caught offguard. Remember, you (and just about everybody else) underestimate the power of temptation. You also overestimate your ability to overcome temptation. So prepare for the worst and you will be ready when temptation comes.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE STEEPED IN SEXUAL SIN ALREADY
1. If it is porn? Find yourself an accountability partner, and/or group to get involved in. Go to covenanteyes.com and work with them. If your church has a group for men or women with porn issues, join them.
2. If you are in an affair? I cnnnot relate to this so I will refer you to someone who has more insight than I:
http://www.authorsden.com/categories/article_top.asp?catid=57&id=28873. I like rules the author gives in breaking up:
• Keep it short. Don’t go into in-depth details about why the affair can’t continue. The simpler and cleaner the break-up is, the better.
• Tell them in person and in public area where a scene is less likely to take place.
• Make it final. Don’t allow your affair partner to think there will be a chance of getting back together.
• Be kind. You want to move past this so you can work on your existing relationship or move on.
I like the second point, because I could see that telling the other person in private about a breakup would probably end up in another sexual encounter.
3. If you have some sexual problem you could never tell anybody else about? Follow the advice from #1 and tell them you have an issue with porn. Always refer to your issue as porn. Would you rather lie or be stuck doing what you don't want to do? Lie - tell them you got issues with porn.
4. If you have already had encounters with children? I find myself without the very best advice here, but will definately give it a try.
- You cannot let it go, believing that it won't happen again; that next time, you will be better. If you gave in once, you will not hold youself back when the opportunity arises again - you will be weaker the next time. The seriousness of this sin cannot be over emphasized. What 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 says about bad teaching defiling someone, can be applied just as much, if not more, to the situation of rape or pedophelia:
Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.
Jesus also said:
“And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.
I emphasize this because I believe this is the hardest of all sexual sins to find solutions, because no one wants to expose their problem to the world. To ask for help for porn is one thing - to ask help with molesting childrent is a whole different issue. And yet for eternity's sake, and for the sake of all future victims (don't fool yourself - there will be more victims) you must find help, even if it means ruining your life.
Let's put it this way, whose life would you rather ruin? Yours or several children? Are you a Christian? Do you have a successful ministry? If you turn yourself in for help, you will ruin your witness, but you will do what is right before God and find salvation for yourself.
CONCLUSION
If you are a human being, you will have sexual desire for others in life. It cannot be avoided or taken away. God does not ask anyone to completely remove all desire for others. Rather, God asks us to control those desires. We will always be tempted. Temptation is not a sin. Giving into the temptation is.
A good Christian will learn to control his/her feelings and fantasies.
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