In my last blog, I broke down lust, defining it and explaining where it comes from. I want to state from the beginning here, that there is no easy way out of lust. One cannot simply cast out the demon of lust and never desire again. Don't be fooled! You will desire again, you will lust again - it is part of being a human being. You cannot cut it out from yourself and you cannot exercise it out. But you can control it.
Jesus gave us two steps in overcoming lust:
1. Awareness - by comparing lust to adultery, Jesus was exposing the sin of desire for what it is. In any AA meeting, one of the first steps is admitting one has a problem. It is key to finding victory.
2. Remove the oportunities for temptaion - through overstatement (cut out your eye, cut off your hand) Jesus was in fact saying, "Get rid of those things (even the good things) that lead you into temptation."
If porn is an issue with you, get rid of the websites by going to covenanteyes.com - follow directions there. You can cut off the T.V. channels that draw you into pornography. Get yourself an accountability partner - someone who can help you by holding you accountable. Get into a church group. Do whatever is necessary for you to get out of your issue.
If you are sexually attracted to children, admit it and stay away from them. Don't deceive yourself that you are doing your church or school a service by helping out in the children's ministry. Even if the pastor asks you to help out in the children's ministry, say, "no!" Remove the opportunities for temptation. If you are already in some sort of ministry with kids, find any excuse to get out. People of all kinds overestimate their will power in the area of desire and sex.
A pastor friend of mine was tempted to have an affair with another pastor (woman) at the same church. They were both attracted to each other, so they both agreed to quit their work at that church in order to avoid further temptation.
If you find a member of the opposite sex attractive, do not let yourself be set up in any way. She may need counselling or discipleship - let her go somewhere else. He may want to open up to you about his terrible marriage - let him share with someone else. Don't fall into the trap that you are the one person who can help him. One woman who worked a lot with teenagers told me that she told her leaders never to pray alone with members of the opposite sex (especially on dates), because the intimacy of prayer can easily lead into premarital sex.
If you find someone of the same sex attractive, follow the same rules. Don't let yourself get set up. Be smart. Be at least one step ahead of the game. Don't get caught offguard. Remember, you (and just about everybody else) underestimate the power of temptation. You also overestimate your ability to overcome temptation. So prepare for the worst and you will be ready when temptation comes.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE STEEPED IN SEXUAL SIN ALREADY
1. If it is porn? Find yourself an accountability partner, and/or group to get involved in. Go to covenanteyes.com and work with them. If your church has a group for men or women with porn issues, join them.
2. If you are in an affair? I cnnnot relate to this so I will refer you to someone who has more insight than I:
http://www.authorsden.com/categories/article_top.asp?catid=57&id=28873. I like rules the author gives in breaking up:
• Keep it short. Don’t go into in-depth details about why the affair can’t continue. The simpler and cleaner the break-up is, the better.
• Tell them in person and in public area where a scene is less likely to take place.
• Make it final. Don’t allow your affair partner to think there will be a chance of getting back together.
• Be kind. You want to move past this so you can work on your existing relationship or move on.
I like the second point, because I could see that telling the other person in private about a breakup would probably end up in another sexual encounter.
3. If you have some sexual problem you could never tell anybody else about? Follow the advice from #1 and tell them you have an issue with porn. Always refer to your issue as porn. Would you rather lie or be stuck doing what you don't want to do? Lie - tell them you got issues with porn.
4. If you have already had encounters with children? I find myself without the very best advice here, but will definately give it a try.
- You cannot let it go, believing that it won't happen again; that next time, you will be better. If you gave in once, you will not hold youself back when the opportunity arises again - you will be weaker the next time. The seriousness of this sin cannot be over emphasized. What 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 says about bad teaching defiling someone, can be applied just as much, if not more, to the situation of rape or pedophelia:
Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.
Jesus also said:
“And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.
I emphasize this because I believe this is the hardest of all sexual sins to find solutions, because no one wants to expose their problem to the world. To ask for help for porn is one thing - to ask help with molesting childrent is a whole different issue. And yet for eternity's sake, and for the sake of all future victims (don't fool yourself - there will be more victims) you must find help, even if it means ruining your life.
Let's put it this way, whose life would you rather ruin? Yours or several children? Are you a Christian? Do you have a successful ministry? If you turn yourself in for help, you will ruin your witness, but you will do what is right before God and find salvation for yourself.
CONCLUSION
If you are a human being, you will have sexual desire for others in life. It cannot be avoided or taken away. God does not ask anyone to completely remove all desire for others. Rather, God asks us to control those desires. We will always be tempted. Temptation is not a sin. Giving into the temptation is.
A good Christian will learn to control his/her feelings and fantasies.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Lust and Instinct
JESUS' USE OF EXTREMES
Most Christians today know that Jesus equated lust with adultery (Matthew 5:27-30), saying that if you look on a woman (or a man) with lust, you have commited adultery in your heart. This passage is followed up by a simple and easy solution - if your eye causes you to sin, cut it out.
As he did with the subject of anger, Jesus used extremes to emphasize the importance of this topic. These extremes got people's attention and shook them up. People in Jesus' day (as in ours) became easily calloused to anger, name calling and lust. Jesus was getting their attention and alerting them to the fact that this was serious business.
WHAT IS LUST?
The Greek word for lust (epithymeo) is also translated "desire, covet, or want". Epithymeo is not defined as an evil and powerfully uncontrolled passion that rarely if ever overtakes a good Christian, rather it is a natural and common feeling that every Christian and unbeliever faces regularly. We are created to desire people (more than one) for sexual and emotional intimacy. The purpose of this desire is ultimately the survival of humanity.
Because survival leads us to desire more than one person, I believe that the concept of a "soul mate" is a romantic fantasy many people want to believe. The idea that there is only one person for you belongs in romantic novels and not in real life. Too many people believe that they married the wrong person and that their one true love is out there somewhere or is the person with whom they want to have an affair (and of course, once the affair turns into a second or third marriage - shock of discovery! - he or she wasn't the one true love after all).
This internal feeling that there is just one person out there who can fulfil all your emotional needs is destructive to marriages and relationships. This does not mean that there aren't people who would be better connections than others, some relationships are much better than others.
HOW ARE WE LIKE ANIMALS?
Before I talk about how we differ from the animal, I would like to mention how we are similar if not the same. We are very similar in that we desire / lust after others in our own species. We follow up on that desire by sending out physical and verbal signals called flirting, then with foreplay, and finally the act of sex itself. Ultimately the unstated goal of all this excitement is producing a member for next generation. Courtship and consumation is part of God's creation; it is designed for good...all of it, from the first moment of desire to the final act of sex.
Even though we are attracted to many different members of our species, we are most like the kinds of animals that mate for life. Most humans in every society I know believe that marriage should be for life, even if we don't often live up to that standard.
The Bible celebrates the romantic journey of desire and foreplay in the Song of Songs, thus giving it the blessing of God and bringing romance into the holiness of God.
HOW ARE WE DIFFERENT THAN ANIMALS?
When God created us, He breathed His breath / Spirit into us, thus seperating us from the animal. Some have concluded that what seperates us from the animals is reason, and this may be a big part of what does separate us from the animals. Some have also argued that we have a soul, whereas an animal does not. But a soul is not easily defined.
I am not going to get into this debate, because to be honest, I have yet to put my finger on what seperates us from the rest of creation, except this one thing - God breathed into Adam (Adam is both the name of a man in Genesis and also is the generic name for all of humankind) seperating Adam from the rest of creation, and thus making Adam in His image. I will also add that the knowledge of good and evil also separtes us from ther rest of creation, but the knowledge of good and evil may be just another way of defining logic.
Animals act on impulses that come from instinct. Likewise there is a part of us that acts on instinctual impulses. But because God put within us the breath of God, there is something in us that transcends the impulses derived from instinct. The breath of God / image of God is an added gift for us which gives us the ability to control or even even to deny our motives and desires that come from instinct. The knowledge of good and evil helps us to discern what needs to be controlled.
Our instinct and the impulses that come from it are designed for survival of the individual and the group. Our instinct will lead us to permiscuous sex, competing, fighting and arguing with others, killing, genocide, rape, hatred and so on. Given the right circumstances, our instinct will do all sorts of evil we would not dare to contimplate. But remember this: our instinct is always seeking to protect self and the group to which self belongs. All of these sins I have mentioned are self-serving and self-protecting by nature.
Despite the fact that instinct is survival / self focused, this does not necessarily mean that instinct is always what is best for self. Instinct does not reason or judge. Although instinct learns like an animal, through experience, it does not consider long term consequences or advice outside of its own immediate and self serving existence.
Instinct is like a target with concentric circles. The closer the circles get to one's self, the more important that people or groups of people are, and the more likely it is that we will act in the behalf of others.
When the Apostle Peter confessed that Jesus was the messiah (in Mark 8), Jesus commended him claiming this insight was from God. Seconds later, Peter was rebuked by Jesus for a demonic influence involved with the revelation. Peter's world view of the kingdom was intimately influenced by his instincual passion to see his own group (the Jews) survive and raise itself above the rest of humanity. Peter's instinct also saw his relationship to the messiah as an opportunity not only for his nation's interest, but for his own self interest and self-promotion as well.
Although there is a time and place for our instinctual guidance, it can and does conflict with God's interests from time to time.
Most Christians today know that Jesus equated lust with adultery (Matthew 5:27-30), saying that if you look on a woman (or a man) with lust, you have commited adultery in your heart. This passage is followed up by a simple and easy solution - if your eye causes you to sin, cut it out.
As he did with the subject of anger, Jesus used extremes to emphasize the importance of this topic. These extremes got people's attention and shook them up. People in Jesus' day (as in ours) became easily calloused to anger, name calling and lust. Jesus was getting their attention and alerting them to the fact that this was serious business.
WHAT IS LUST?
The Greek word for lust (epithymeo) is also translated "desire, covet, or want". Epithymeo is not defined as an evil and powerfully uncontrolled passion that rarely if ever overtakes a good Christian, rather it is a natural and common feeling that every Christian and unbeliever faces regularly. We are created to desire people (more than one) for sexual and emotional intimacy. The purpose of this desire is ultimately the survival of humanity.
Because survival leads us to desire more than one person, I believe that the concept of a "soul mate" is a romantic fantasy many people want to believe. The idea that there is only one person for you belongs in romantic novels and not in real life. Too many people believe that they married the wrong person and that their one true love is out there somewhere or is the person with whom they want to have an affair (and of course, once the affair turns into a second or third marriage - shock of discovery! - he or she wasn't the one true love after all).
This internal feeling that there is just one person out there who can fulfil all your emotional needs is destructive to marriages and relationships. This does not mean that there aren't people who would be better connections than others, some relationships are much better than others.
HOW ARE WE LIKE ANIMALS?
Before I talk about how we differ from the animal, I would like to mention how we are similar if not the same. We are very similar in that we desire / lust after others in our own species. We follow up on that desire by sending out physical and verbal signals called flirting, then with foreplay, and finally the act of sex itself. Ultimately the unstated goal of all this excitement is producing a member for next generation. Courtship and consumation is part of God's creation; it is designed for good...all of it, from the first moment of desire to the final act of sex.
Even though we are attracted to many different members of our species, we are most like the kinds of animals that mate for life. Most humans in every society I know believe that marriage should be for life, even if we don't often live up to that standard.
The Bible celebrates the romantic journey of desire and foreplay in the Song of Songs, thus giving it the blessing of God and bringing romance into the holiness of God.
HOW ARE WE DIFFERENT THAN ANIMALS?
When God created us, He breathed His breath / Spirit into us, thus seperating us from the animal. Some have concluded that what seperates us from the animals is reason, and this may be a big part of what does separate us from the animals. Some have also argued that we have a soul, whereas an animal does not. But a soul is not easily defined.
I am not going to get into this debate, because to be honest, I have yet to put my finger on what seperates us from the rest of creation, except this one thing - God breathed into Adam (Adam is both the name of a man in Genesis and also is the generic name for all of humankind) seperating Adam from the rest of creation, and thus making Adam in His image. I will also add that the knowledge of good and evil also separtes us from ther rest of creation, but the knowledge of good and evil may be just another way of defining logic.
Animals act on impulses that come from instinct. Likewise there is a part of us that acts on instinctual impulses. But because God put within us the breath of God, there is something in us that transcends the impulses derived from instinct. The breath of God / image of God is an added gift for us which gives us the ability to control or even even to deny our motives and desires that come from instinct. The knowledge of good and evil helps us to discern what needs to be controlled.
Our instinct and the impulses that come from it are designed for survival of the individual and the group. Our instinct will lead us to permiscuous sex, competing, fighting and arguing with others, killing, genocide, rape, hatred and so on. Given the right circumstances, our instinct will do all sorts of evil we would not dare to contimplate. But remember this: our instinct is always seeking to protect self and the group to which self belongs. All of these sins I have mentioned are self-serving and self-protecting by nature.
Despite the fact that instinct is survival / self focused, this does not necessarily mean that instinct is always what is best for self. Instinct does not reason or judge. Although instinct learns like an animal, through experience, it does not consider long term consequences or advice outside of its own immediate and self serving existence.
Instinct is like a target with concentric circles. The closer the circles get to one's self, the more important that people or groups of people are, and the more likely it is that we will act in the behalf of others.
When the Apostle Peter confessed that Jesus was the messiah (in Mark 8), Jesus commended him claiming this insight was from God. Seconds later, Peter was rebuked by Jesus for a demonic influence involved with the revelation. Peter's world view of the kingdom was intimately influenced by his instincual passion to see his own group (the Jews) survive and raise itself above the rest of humanity. Peter's instinct also saw his relationship to the messiah as an opportunity not only for his nation's interest, but for his own self interest and self-promotion as well.
Although there is a time and place for our instinctual guidance, it can and does conflict with God's interests from time to time.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Building Relationship Anger Destroyed
Immediately after Jesus warned us that there were serious consequences to misplaced anger in Matthew 5:21-26, he emphasized what we should do about it when we do fail. In the extreme example Jesus used, anger resulted in a lawsuit against the person getting angry. Jesus warned the offender that God will not step in to help the offender, so it is up to the offender to go to the person offended and work out a deal. This was so important to Jesus, that he told his audience to forget about offerings and gifts for God until issues are resolved.
Jesus gave us extreme examples and gave extreme warnings of extreme consequences about anger. We may not always go to court because of our anger; but there may be times that we simply sever relationships with family or friends. Even if our anger causes far less damage than that of Jesus' example, we are to take anger and its consequences very seriously.
I think that Jesus used the extreme examples and warnings because he wanted his audience to see the seriousness of what anger can do. Angry people usually feel justified in their anger, despite the consequences. Angry people hold on to their anger because they believe that it is the right thing to do. So to get his message through those who hold on to their anger, he spoke harsh warnings. The warnings were designed to shake up and dislodge the areas in where anger resided.
Once anger was exposed, and once people saw that they needed to deal with what their anger had done, Jesus told them how to best make things right. He told his audience to go to the offended person and get things resolved. This was so important that Jesus told his audience to leave God alone until this was done. Once again, this was extreme to make a point - If you want to please God, get things right with others.
WHEN YOU GO TO THE OFFENDED PERSON
Jesus didn't tell his audience at the Sermon on the Mount what to say or do when they went to work on reconciling. On another occasion he told his audience members what to do if someone offended them, but never what to say when the audience members offended others. At best they were left with the advice to go and work it out.
Because so little is said about how to work it out, I can only assume that Jesus was trusting his audience to use their own wisdom in doing and saying what was needed to work out the issues.
Jesus gave us extreme examples and gave extreme warnings of extreme consequences about anger. We may not always go to court because of our anger; but there may be times that we simply sever relationships with family or friends. Even if our anger causes far less damage than that of Jesus' example, we are to take anger and its consequences very seriously.
I think that Jesus used the extreme examples and warnings because he wanted his audience to see the seriousness of what anger can do. Angry people usually feel justified in their anger, despite the consequences. Angry people hold on to their anger because they believe that it is the right thing to do. So to get his message through those who hold on to their anger, he spoke harsh warnings. The warnings were designed to shake up and dislodge the areas in where anger resided.
Once anger was exposed, and once people saw that they needed to deal with what their anger had done, Jesus told them how to best make things right. He told his audience to go to the offended person and get things resolved. This was so important that Jesus told his audience to leave God alone until this was done. Once again, this was extreme to make a point - If you want to please God, get things right with others.
WHEN YOU GO TO THE OFFENDED PERSON
Jesus didn't tell his audience at the Sermon on the Mount what to say or do when they went to work on reconciling. On another occasion he told his audience members what to do if someone offended them, but never what to say when the audience members offended others. At best they were left with the advice to go and work it out.
Because so little is said about how to work it out, I can only assume that Jesus was trusting his audience to use their own wisdom in doing and saying what was needed to work out the issues.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Anger
ANGER
When Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount, he gave warnings and solutions for one of life's most basic experiences - anger.
THE WARNINGS
Matthew 5:21-26
Jesus emphasized that anger (without proper cause) was a very serious thing. First of all, he related anger to murder, thus emphasizing that uncontrolled anger was not a petty thing. Secondly, Jesus warned that the consequences of anger included judgment, council, prison and Gehenna.
Gehennah was a dump outside of Jerusalem where dead animals and garbage were burned. In Israel, it was used as a metaphore for hell. Because Gehenna is a physical place that is used figuratively, there is debate over how to read this passage. Is Jesus talking about hell or is he talking about the place where dead bodies are burned.
Westerners of the 21st Century are not nearly as concerned about our dead bodies as the 1st Century Jews, so when Jesus mentioned the threat of Gehenna, it is very likely he was warning his listeners that Gehenna was the place their bodies would end up if they didn't heed his warnings. We cannot know all the horror or feelings people felt about the area called Gehenna because we are so removed from the day, but it is possible to compare it to Auschwitz.
Auschwitz is a real place in Poland that has real history; but in the mind of millions it is associated with real memories of horror and cruelty. Although I don't have any historical records, I believe the Romans dumped Jewish bodies in Gehenna, thus making it a First Century Auschwitz.
Either way, whether Jesus was referring to a literal place or to hell, he was telling his audience that the consequences of undeserved anger are extreme, something many of us consider trivial.
To make things even worse, Jesus dished out the worst of these judgments to those who in anger call other people names like "raca", which means "idiot". I think Jesus may have been overemphasizing the consequences of anger, because, people do not generally go to court because they call other people names. However, Jesus was making a statement that we need to take this issue very seriously. Anger and name calling can ruin relationships and destroy communities.
TYPES OF ANGER
When Jesus warned about the evils of anger, he was talking about "anger without a cause". Here are some examples of anger I have seen that I would call "anger without a cause":
1. Childhood Anger - This is sually from childhood injustices that were not properly dealt with. These people get angry very easily and are angry a lot.
2. Transferred Anger - Someone who is angry at someone or something but takes it out on another or others.
3. Brooding Anger - The type of anger that hides behind self-righteousness or denial. It hides until some unexpected time and then comes out inappropriately and unexpectedly. People with this type ustually don't think they have issues with anger. In fact, they may believe that they are very self controlled.
The rule of thumb is this: Anytime anger is inappropriate, overblown, out of context, uncontrolled, or misdirected, it is wrong; it is what I would call "anger without a cause".
EXCUSES FOR ANGER
Angry people make excuses. Here are some of the better of them:
1. "I'm not angry, I'm just frustrated."
2. "I have righteous indignation."
3. "So and so deserves my anger."
4. "I never get angry."
Everybody gets angry. If you think you don't you are hiding it from yourself. It is there, deep enough to avoid detection. It also influences your behavior and the decisions you make. If you want to get over anger issues, you have to be willing to admit you have a problem.
WHEN IS ANGER OK?
Ephesians 4:26-27
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Anger is a natural response to injustice, and is permitted and even rewarded by God in rare cases. But injustice (that we care about) is usually done to one's self or to one's own group, or in some cases to people we can relate to. Although we are designed self-centered for the sake of survival, self-centered reactions can easily get out of whack, and need to be brought under control. Ephesians gives us perameters for anger:
1. Get over it - Even though the Bible says not to let the sun go down on your anger, it is in fact telling us to work through and get over our angers. Some can be handled in a day, but some will take much longer. As a rule of thumb, the bigger the injustice / betrayal, the longer it will take to get over the anger. No matter how big anger is, it must be dealt with and worked through - not stuffed down inside, ignored, or fed.
2. Don't sin - When we are angry it is very easy to hurt others either by action or by inaction, either by vengence or by holding a grudge. Either way, relationships are hurt, if not destroyed.
3. Don't let the devil take advantage of your anger. This is very closely related to sinning, but I would say that it is when sin is taken to a whole new level. I have experienced times when I was angry and I felt it moving on to a new level. I felt it move in deeper and stronger. Because of Ephesians 4:26 & 27, I knew I had to let my anger go. I knew that it was going to far, so I focused enough to make sure that I didn't sin by giving in to the deep seated anger that was rising. When I felt this, I didn't want to let it go. I wanted to nurture it, but knowing what the Bible says about anger, I refused to feed it, and it went away on its own.
REBUILDING RELATIONSHIPS
Jesus strongly warned against being angry without a cause (Ephesians said be angry with certain limits), and calling people names such as, "worthless," and "idiot", because these attacks make us in danger of eternal damnation. Jesus used extreme consequences to illustrate the importance of this issue.
Relationship was incredibly important to Jesus, so much so, in fact, that he told his followers that before they bring themselves before God, they should get right with people they have offended. That means that whatever we do for God, fasting, praying, going to church, reading the Bible, etc, God wants us to do these acts of faith only after having made peace with others first. Good relationships are that important to God.
When Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount, he gave warnings and solutions for one of life's most basic experiences - anger.
THE WARNINGS
Matthew 5:21-26
Jesus emphasized that anger (without proper cause) was a very serious thing. First of all, he related anger to murder, thus emphasizing that uncontrolled anger was not a petty thing. Secondly, Jesus warned that the consequences of anger included judgment, council, prison and Gehenna.
Gehennah was a dump outside of Jerusalem where dead animals and garbage were burned. In Israel, it was used as a metaphore for hell. Because Gehenna is a physical place that is used figuratively, there is debate over how to read this passage. Is Jesus talking about hell or is he talking about the place where dead bodies are burned.
Westerners of the 21st Century are not nearly as concerned about our dead bodies as the 1st Century Jews, so when Jesus mentioned the threat of Gehenna, it is very likely he was warning his listeners that Gehenna was the place their bodies would end up if they didn't heed his warnings. We cannot know all the horror or feelings people felt about the area called Gehenna because we are so removed from the day, but it is possible to compare it to Auschwitz.
Auschwitz is a real place in Poland that has real history; but in the mind of millions it is associated with real memories of horror and cruelty. Although I don't have any historical records, I believe the Romans dumped Jewish bodies in Gehenna, thus making it a First Century Auschwitz.
Either way, whether Jesus was referring to a literal place or to hell, he was telling his audience that the consequences of undeserved anger are extreme, something many of us consider trivial.
To make things even worse, Jesus dished out the worst of these judgments to those who in anger call other people names like "raca", which means "idiot". I think Jesus may have been overemphasizing the consequences of anger, because, people do not generally go to court because they call other people names. However, Jesus was making a statement that we need to take this issue very seriously. Anger and name calling can ruin relationships and destroy communities.
TYPES OF ANGER
When Jesus warned about the evils of anger, he was talking about "anger without a cause". Here are some examples of anger I have seen that I would call "anger without a cause":
1. Childhood Anger - This is sually from childhood injustices that were not properly dealt with. These people get angry very easily and are angry a lot.
2. Transferred Anger - Someone who is angry at someone or something but takes it out on another or others.
3. Brooding Anger - The type of anger that hides behind self-righteousness or denial. It hides until some unexpected time and then comes out inappropriately and unexpectedly. People with this type ustually don't think they have issues with anger. In fact, they may believe that they are very self controlled.
The rule of thumb is this: Anytime anger is inappropriate, overblown, out of context, uncontrolled, or misdirected, it is wrong; it is what I would call "anger without a cause".
EXCUSES FOR ANGER
Angry people make excuses. Here are some of the better of them:
1. "I'm not angry, I'm just frustrated."
2. "I have righteous indignation."
3. "So and so deserves my anger."
4. "I never get angry."
Everybody gets angry. If you think you don't you are hiding it from yourself. It is there, deep enough to avoid detection. It also influences your behavior and the decisions you make. If you want to get over anger issues, you have to be willing to admit you have a problem.
WHEN IS ANGER OK?
Ephesians 4:26-27
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Anger is a natural response to injustice, and is permitted and even rewarded by God in rare cases. But injustice (that we care about) is usually done to one's self or to one's own group, or in some cases to people we can relate to. Although we are designed self-centered for the sake of survival, self-centered reactions can easily get out of whack, and need to be brought under control. Ephesians gives us perameters for anger:
1. Get over it - Even though the Bible says not to let the sun go down on your anger, it is in fact telling us to work through and get over our angers. Some can be handled in a day, but some will take much longer. As a rule of thumb, the bigger the injustice / betrayal, the longer it will take to get over the anger. No matter how big anger is, it must be dealt with and worked through - not stuffed down inside, ignored, or fed.
2. Don't sin - When we are angry it is very easy to hurt others either by action or by inaction, either by vengence or by holding a grudge. Either way, relationships are hurt, if not destroyed.
3. Don't let the devil take advantage of your anger. This is very closely related to sinning, but I would say that it is when sin is taken to a whole new level. I have experienced times when I was angry and I felt it moving on to a new level. I felt it move in deeper and stronger. Because of Ephesians 4:26 & 27, I knew I had to let my anger go. I knew that it was going to far, so I focused enough to make sure that I didn't sin by giving in to the deep seated anger that was rising. When I felt this, I didn't want to let it go. I wanted to nurture it, but knowing what the Bible says about anger, I refused to feed it, and it went away on its own.
REBUILDING RELATIONSHIPS
Jesus strongly warned against being angry without a cause (Ephesians said be angry with certain limits), and calling people names such as, "worthless," and "idiot", because these attacks make us in danger of eternal damnation. Jesus used extreme consequences to illustrate the importance of this issue.
Relationship was incredibly important to Jesus, so much so, in fact, that he told his followers that before they bring themselves before God, they should get right with people they have offended. That means that whatever we do for God, fasting, praying, going to church, reading the Bible, etc, God wants us to do these acts of faith only after having made peace with others first. Good relationships are that important to God.
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